dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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