I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
