Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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