i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
