Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
