Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i would punch a child for taco bell
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
