When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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