she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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