shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
