I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't deserve a penis
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
