Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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