I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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