If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
