I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
