he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
