So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
