Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
