Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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