this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
