you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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