Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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