just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
