I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
