Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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