He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You're like the curious george of whores
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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