if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
