I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
