i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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