you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
