my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
