8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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