why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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