Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
