Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
