yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
