I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
