Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
