My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
