its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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