During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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