They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
