bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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