Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
