I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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