trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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