she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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