How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
