I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
