Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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