That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I need to sanitize my soul.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
