Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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