what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
