you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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