So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
