I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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