I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize