nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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