Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
