So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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