I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
