I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
