Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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