I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
