After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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