I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize