one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
