also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
