I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
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