: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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