you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
