I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
