I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
