dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm like, not good at living.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
