Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
