Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
