I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
