My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
