Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
