Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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